I visited the Genius Bar today. In my mind it always appears “Genie Bar,” where people perform mysteries deeds and speak in incantations that all seem to rhyme with RAM.
The Genie Bar woman said there is nothing wrong with my phone, save that it is seven operating systems behind. She showed me a button situated in the Settings folder I must occasionally press. Now all the screens look different. I am impressed.
I also say mysterious things at the Genie Bar, where I get flustered at the first RAM-related word, and then develop a stutter. This is residual trauma from a Genie Bar man who spoke to me like I was a five-year-old for a whole 30 minutes, following a confession I mistrusted “clouds” and maintained a paper calendar.
Today was a little better. I am glad to know about the magic button sitting in the Settings folder. My new-looking old phone is behaving well, and there is no bill.